Inadequacy has become a familiar feeling in the 3 years that I’ve been a mom.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m mostly angst-free about my parenting choices. While I sometimes wish I could have stayed home to raise my daughter, I have enjoyed being a working mom. While I wish I could have exclusively breastfed, I was OK with using the occasional bottle of formula. I didn’t stress much about using disposable diapers instead of cloth...you get the idea.
But as my little girl gets older, I find more doubts creeping in. Did I enroll her in the best possible preschool within our reach? Will it impact her academic abilities for the rest of her life? Am I feeding her the healthiest diet possible? Is she socially well-adjusted, or is it normal for kids her age to prefer playing by themselves, even when they are surrounded by other kids?
Just when I think I couldn’t feel any more guilt or doubt, I receive a survey done by HearthSong, a toy company that specializes in creative and imaginative play. According to the survey results, 62 percent of parents spend less than an hour a day playing with their kids.
Count me among them.
To be honest, I have never given much thought to how much time I actually spend playing with my kid. I am more preoccupied with the basics: getting her bathed, dressed, fed, and rested. When I get home after work it’s a mad scramble to get the family fed, and not long after that we are ushering Maya into the bath tub. She gets plenty of play time at school, of course, and we read her at least 3 books a night without fail. But other than doing puzzles or coloring books together, I can’t say I spend a lot of time on the floor with her, scooting her trains or cars around. To be frank, I don’t enjoy that very much, and wasn’t very interested in toys even when I was a kid.
My husband works from home and cares for Maya two days per week, and he has always been more prone to active play, so I don’t feel that she’s lacking. And at least I’m not among the 16 percent of parents who say they spend less than an hour per week playing with their kids.
The survey also found that parents who do play with their kids, over one third (36%) say they most often play with games or toys, another quarter (27%) most often participate in unstructured play and a like number (27%) play outside, in either unstructured or structured activities such as sports.
When asked what they believed was the most important aspect of play in contributing to their child’s development, more than one in four parents (27%) said “learning to interact with others,” while fewer mentioned developing “motor skills” (18%), “problem solving” (17%), “creative thinking” (17%), “imagination” (12%) or a “sense of accomplishment” (9%).
Weekends will usually find us heading to the pool or the park and having more time for active play, whether it’s chasing bubbles or painting. I treasure those times, but I think I will make a conscious effort to spend more time during the week playing with my child. An hour a day seems like a realistic, healthy goal for this working mom, probably broken up into 15 or 20-minute chunks.
What about you? How much time do you spend playing with your child in an average day? Do you think it’s important, or overrated? What are your favorite things to do with your child? Suggestions are welcome!
Crossposted at The Mom Blog.
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